To Lose Her Again
by DannieGirl
Summary: What Happened after Ghost In The Machine, my take on it any way


I just saw the latest episode of Atlantis Ghost in the Machine, and figured that Shepherd had a few thoughts on loosing Elizabeth Weir, again having sacrificed herself to save him and the rest of Atlantis from the replicators.

I was touched when he asked Woolsey 'What if one of them wants to stay', I don't think even he realized how much he missed her until then, and then there was the look on his face, knowing in his heart that it had been her, and that there wasn't a damn thing he could do to save her, and my remedy for it.

I own none of it, some times wish I did, but have to be happy with playing with their angst, and all those other feelings that never seem to get aired on the shows that we all love.

To Loose Her Again

All he could do was stand there, staring at the gate, knowing that he and Atlantis had lost her again.

He thought that he had these emotions under control, it had been over a year since they had lost her the last time.

Now to realize only after her sacrifice that it had _truly been her_, that she had been so close, and he hadn't said any of the things that he had always wanted to say to her.

The feelings that he had denied for so long, transferring them to Tela of all people. He just felt lost all over again, like the rug had been pulled out from under him; once again leaving him flailing, trying to catch his balance for all he was worth.

So he just stood there long after the gate had been shut down, lost in thought, lost in the heart ache that he knew he might never get over; and if the chance came again, he would tell her everything.

"How long has he been standing there?" McKay asked Major Loren, when he returned to Command and control an hour after he and the others had left.

"Since she and the others went through the gate, he hasn't moved, Tela came by, but I don't know, I think he might be in shock or some thing, should we call Dr. Keller?" Loren asked McKay.

"No, just leave him alone, he's far enough away from the gate that even if it opens, he won't get hurt, I think that it's just hit him that she was back, that Elizabeth was here, and that now she is gone for good." McKay said.

"You think he's going to be okay?" Loren asked.

"I don't know Major, I really don't know." Rodney said, as he looked at his friend.

"Corneal, John, you have to rest, I know that you have always held out hope that one day she would return, that some how we would be able to get her back, but it's over John, she's gone." Tela said, as she stood by her friend, knowing what he must be feeling.

"She's still out there Tela, floating out by that gate, so close that if we go through it, we'll kill her, but far enough that she can never get back." he whispered so quietly that she almost couldn't hear him.

"I know John." Tela said, as she tried to guide him away from the gate.

"Here let me, you go take care of that son of yours, I can handle this." Ronan said, as he took over from Tela.

"Contact me if you think I can be of any help Ronan." she said, as she watched the two strongest men she had ever known go to grieve together for their lost loves.

"I remember the last time I saw my wife, she insisted on staying at the hospital, that she was going to help take care of the wounded, when the time came all I could do was stand there while the Wraith beam disintegrated her, there wasn't a damn thing I could do." Ronan said, as he and Shepherd sat in Elizabeth's room.

After her death, none of them had had the emotional strength to go in there and clear her things out, and out of respect for her, both Carter and Woolsey had left the room basically untouched. The only one that in fact ever went in there was Shepherd, especially after a mission that had gone badly, the times that he would have done the same thing if she had still been alive.

"She's still there Ronan, she's out there waiting." Shepherd said.

"She's gone Shepherd, she's been gone for over a year." Ronan said.

"No, she's out there, she's so close, and I can't get to her, I can't save her."

"There's nothing to save Shepherd, that thing, it was a replicator, that wasn't Dr. Weir." Ronan insisted.

"I thought that too, all the way until the end, then she lead them through the gate, knowing that it wasn't a planetary gate, but a that it was a space gate, I don't care what you say, that was Elizabeth." John said, as he slammed Ronan into the wall.

"If your so sure, then why don't you take the Datuless and go get her?" Ronan asked.

"That's it, Ronan you are a genius!" John exclaimed, as he let Ronan go, and raced out of the room.

"I can not authorize a mission like that, you would put all of us at risk, we can't even be sure that she was the real Dr. Weir." Woolsey said.

"With all do respect Mr. Woolsey, but that was Dr. Weir, I would bet my life on it, she wouldn't have done what she did if it wasn't." Shepherd said.

"And you agree with him Dr. McKay?"

"Yes I do, we can go out there grab her, destroy the others, and bring her back here, eventually I think that between the knowledge that she has from the replicators, and my own we can figure out a way to make her human again." McKay insisted.

"Are you sure, when she left, she wasn't sure if we could trust her, what if you bring her back here, and the nanites begin replicating, what if they try to take over Atlantis, it's happened in the past." Woolsey said.

"That was one of the modifications I made, Elizabeth never changed them, it was the others that changed that." McKay said.

"Are you absolutely sure that if you bring her back here that she isn't going to take over the city?"

"Nothing is 100, but if your asking do I trust her, then yes, there is no way that she would do anything that would put this city in danger." Rodney said.

"I am not leaving her out there, I'll take an F-302 if I have to, I am not leaving her out there for eternity." Shepherd said.

"Give me time to contact the SGC, I'll talk it over with the General, and with Corneal Carter, see what they have to say, But for right now, I can not in good conscious, allow you to bring her back here." Woolsey said.

"What about this, we go and pick her up, but don't bring her back here, what if we take her and go back to that planet with the flying monkeys, I mean we need to check it out a little more closely anyway, and that way we could have her some place that she would be safe, and worse comes to worse, we leave her there." Rodney said.

"I am not leaving her behind, if Stargate Command says that she can't come back, then I'm not coming back either, I am not going to put her through this again." Shepherd said.

"Corneal Shepherd if you continue like this, then I will have to report you to Stargate Command and have you removed from military command." Woolsey said.

"Remove me, I don't really care any more." Shepherd said, as he stormed out of the conference room.

"That went better then I expected." Woolsey said.

"They won't let me come get you, their going to say no, it's too risky they'll say, too much of a chance of you attacking us." Shepherd said, as he paced in Elizabeth's room, "But I know that you would never do that, you would fight it, just like you fought the nanites the first time.

"God, I miss you so much Elizabeth, I didn't want to believe that you were back, in Fran's body, but it was you. I have so many things that I need to tell you, so many things that I need to say, things that I should have said to you before, so many things that I should have done to show you that I care, God Elizabeth, I love you.

"I am going to get you back, even if it means going on the run from the SGC."

"John, don't I'm not there any more, you have to let me go." Elizabeth said, as a glowing figure appeared in the room with him.

"No, I just got you back, I can't."

"John, I've ascended, there was enough of me left in the nanites, I'm not in that body any more." she said, knowing how much this was hurting both of them.

"Rodney said that you couldn't hurt us, even if you wanted to, he deactivated those aspects of the replicator body."

"John, I will always be around, Atlantis was my dream, from the first time I stepped through that gate, and I've never been one to follow the rules when it comes to you, you will see me again, when the time is right, I'll be waiting." she said, as she stared fade out of existence.

"What am I supposed to do without you?" he asked.

"Live John, just keep living." she said, reaching out to him, but not quite touching him, " Oh, and Carson says hello."

"You sure about that, we have one of him back on earth now." he said.

"So it's Earth now, what happened to home?" she asked.

"Atlantis is home, has been since you..."

"Since I died?"

"Why, why did you have to leave us, why did you have to leave me?"

"It wasn't your fault John, there wasn't anything you could have done, there wasn't anything anyone could have done, so don't blame Rodney either."

"Elizabeth, there are so many things that I want to tell you, so many things that I have to say, I don't even know where to start."

"I have time." she said.

"Aren't they going to get a little mad at you?" Shepherd asked.

"They aren't as strict as they use to be."

"Any chance we can get you kicked out like Dr. Jackson was?"

"I'm not sure, I'll have to ask Carson." she said smiling, as she surged back into a more solid being.

The End?

Tell me what you think, should I build on it?

Yes, before you ask, I cried at the end of Ghost in the Machine, the way they focused in on Shepherd's face, and then Weir/Fran's, I cried like a baby, LOL


End file.
